Dating Adventures From London – Don’t Get Disheartened

April 27, 2018

Hi, my name is Alex, I live in London and I’m currently single.

Last week I wrote about when to send the first text after a date… straight away, and you could appear to keen, leave it too late and you could make the other person feel as through they’re just an after-thought. Regardless of when you end up contacting your date… no reply – no worries. Don’t get disheartened!

 

Don’t Get Disheartened – Dating can be tough

There’s no hiding from it. Dating can be tough. You can do everything right and end up with nothing, and someone else can seemingly do everything wrong and still end up with the person of their dreams. It’s easy to say and harder to follow, but you can’t take things personally.

It’s happened a few times where I’ve been chatting with someone and we’ve arranged to meet and then they start putting it off. Breadcrumbing to give it its “official” dating term. They all sound believable enough reasons individually, but combined it starts to get a little suspicious.

Sometimes you just meet people at the wrong time. There may be family issues, unresolved residue from a previous relationship, hassles at work or something else you’d never even think to guess. Maybe they are a Catfish? It’s easy to get upset and annoyed. These people have after all, just wasted your time. But that’s life. You never know what’s going on and getting annoyed over it won’t solve anything.

 

Don’t Get Disheartened – Re-focus that energy

It’s easy to look back at all your previous messages with a theoretical magnifying glass, but you need to save that energy and focus it on doing something positive! Sometimes I’ll use that energy to read a new book or try out a TV show that someone’s recommend. Or maybe spend a bit of time getting back in touch with a friend I’ve not spoken to in a while.

When I was a kid, my music teacher mocked me for having a bad voice. I was so bothered by being humiliated I learnt to play the recorder (not the coolest instrument I know) and got to a high enough standard to play alongside the main choir. When at college people started gloating when beating me at pool, I found a local pool house and practiced until I knew I was good enough to win. None of those skills have been remotely useful as an adult, but the message I sent out to myself was. In short, don’t get bitter, get better!

 

In the dating world, one question I have struggled with is how much contact to have beforehand? I generally prefer to meet up soon after first getting in touch. I abide by the 3 day rule. An introduction. a bit about yourself, then I ask them out. I’ve been burned a few times with late cancellations, but I believe it’s good to have that initial energy to take into the first date, rather than it be diluted through endless messages.

 

Read more from my six part dating experiences right here in London:

 

Good luck!

Alex, London

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